Every relationship has patterns. Some are healthy, helping couples feel secure and supported. However, some relationship patterns are unhealthy.
Unhealthy relationship patterns can quietly chip away at trust, connection, and communication. These patterns may stem from past experiences, learned behaviours, or unspoken expectations. And they may be difficult to recognise when you’re in the middle of them (Australian Psychological Society, n.d.-a).
If your relationship feels stuck, reactive, or disconnected, you’re not alone. Many couples experience these challenges, and the good news is you can address them. Whether you call it couples therapy or couples counselling, working with a telehealth Psychologist may help you identify the cycles that keep you apart. You may also begin creating new ways of connecting, and even learn to cultivate a safer and more fulfilling relationship.
Pro tip: You can also read more about couples therapy in our article - What if we told you couples therapy isn't just for crisis?
What are unhealthy relationship patterns?
Unhealthy patterns can manifest in multiple ways. They may present as recurring behaviours that create stress, emotional distance, or tension in a relationship. They often appear during conflict or periods of change and can include (Lifeline Australia, n.d.):
• Shutting down during arguments or avoiding difficult conversations
• Criticism, defensiveness, or blame
• Passive-aggressive communication
• Avoiding emotional or physical closeness
• Keeping score or bringing up past issues
These patterns aren’t necessarily about one person being at fault. Often, they form as coping strategies along with reactions to stress, unresolved trauma, or deeply held beliefs about relationships (Australian Psychological Society, n.d.-b).
Some common root causes of unhealthy relationship patterns may include (Quan, Zhang, & Chen, 2025):
• Childhood experiences: The way we learned to give and receive love as children can shape how we behave in adult relationships
• Past trauma or betrayal: If you’ve experienced emotional pain in previous relationships, it can lead to self-protection behaviours
• Poor communication skills: Without effective tools to communicate needs, misunderstandings can quickly escalate
• Unspoken expectations: When assumptions aren’t discussed openly, resentment can build
Over time, these behaviours may become ingrained and lead to emotional disconnection, frustration, and low relationship satisfaction.
How couples counselling can help
Therapy for couples can look different for different people. However, it is often a structured, supportive process that helps couples understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and assists couples to meet the needs of their relationship (Australian Psychological Society, n.d.-a).
Through couples counselling, you and your partner may (Javadivala et al., 2021):
• Identify negative patterns and emotional triggers
A therapist may help you recognise recurring issues and what tends to set them off.
• Understand the root causes
By exploring personal histories and current dynamics, you may gain insight into why these patterns developed.
• Learn effective communication skills
One key benefit of couples therapy for communication is learning how to listen with empathy, express needs without blame, and respond calmly during conflict.
• Rebuild trust and emotional intimacy
With support, couples may begin expressing vulnerability, strengthen their emotional connection, and work toward shared goals.
• Break unhealthy cycles
With guidance, couples may practise new behaviours and habits that foster mutual respect, compassion, and safety.
Why online couples therapy works
Modern life can make it hard to prioritise therapy. That’s one of the reasons why online couples therapy can be an effective counselling service. It allows couples to access qualified Psychologists from home, without needing to navigate traffic, waitlists, or conflicting schedules.
A 2022 study has shown that online therapy can be as effective as face-to-face therapy for many couples, supporting its use as an evidence based approach (Kysely et al., 2022). Whether you live in a remote area or just prefer the comfort of your own space, online counselling sessions may make it easier to access support in the first place, and also stay engaged in therapy sessions.
Breaking negative relationship cycles takes intention
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and at the same time, couples may shift even long-standing dynamics with commitment and the right support. Changing negative relationship cycles means showing up differently, not just during therapy, but in everyday moments.
Some of the most meaningful outcomes of therapy for couples include (Baugh & Humphries, 2009):
• Clearer, calmer communication
• Stronger emotional and physical intimacy
• Better problem-solving as a team
• Increased self-awareness and empathy
• A renewed sense of partnership
It’s not about fixing each other, it’s about learning to respond with understanding, curiosity, and care.
Start small, stay consistent
If you and your partner have been feeling stuck, you don’t need to figure it out alone. Support for relationship issues is available, and it starts with one conversation.
Whether you’re navigating a specific challenge or want to strengthen your bond, relationship counselling offers a path forward to a more healthy relationship. Taking that first step may feel scary, and at the same time it could be the most important one for your future together. If you're ready for support, get started with My Mirror couples therapy today.
References:
Australian Psychological Society. (n.d.-a). Relationship problems: Treatment. Retrieved August 14, 2025, from https://psychology.org.au/for-the-public/psychology-topics/relationship-problems/therapies-that-work
Australian Psychological Society. (n.d.-b). Relationship problems. Retrieved September 3, 2025, from https://psychology.org.au/for-the-public/psychology-topics/relationship-problems
Baugh, E. J., & Humphries, D. (2009). Can we talk? Improving couples' communication (FCS2178). University of Florida, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences. Retrieved September 3, 2025, from https://www.dartmouth.edu/eap/library/comunic1.pdf
Javadivala, Z., Allahverdipour, H., Jafarabadi, M. A., Azimi, S., Gilani, N., & Chattu, V. K. (2021). Improved couple satisfaction and communication with marriage and relationship programs: Are there gender differences? A systematic review and meta-analysis. Systematic Reviews, 10(1), Article 178. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13643-021-01719-0
Kysely, A., Bishop, B., Kane, R. T., McDevitt, M., De Palma, M., & Rooney, R. (2022). Couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing: Effects on relationship outcomes, mental health, and the therapeutic alliance. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, Article 773030. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.773030
Lifeline Australia. (n.d.). Signs and effects of relationship problems. Lifeline Support Toolkit. Retrieved September 3, 2025, from https://toolkit.lifeline.org.au/topics/relationships/signs-and-effects-of-problems-in-relationships
Quan, L., Zhang, K., & Chen, H. (2025). The relationship between childhood trauma and romantic relationship satisfaction: The role of attachment and social support. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, Article 1519699. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1519699
